If You Only Knew
by SleepingWarrior
Summary: A one-shot scene set after the 2x10 finale between Mulan and Aurora. It is night and both women are lost in their thoughts. First from Mulan's perspective, then from Aurora's. An insight into their world and thinking. Feelings that haven't surfaced yet but are slowly growing inside them. Enjoy and all reviews are welcomed!


A new quest. A new journey but this time for their own purpose. Find Prince Philip. A name she thought she would never hear again. Prince Philip. If only they had any idea from where to begin! Aurora knew as much as that his soul could be reunited with its body. _The soul is said to travel into another realm_, Aurora had said but which exact realm out of the hundred that existed? She didn't have the slightest idea and that was what worried her the most. She was afraid of deceiving Aurora. She remembered the hope shining in the princess' eyes as if they were made out of thousands of small crystals. That day, when she reunited Aurora's heart back with her body, she saw happiness in her eyes for the first time after a very long time. She had beautiful eyes when she was smiling. They could actually make _you_ smile. She still remembers the hope in the princess' eyes as she was agreeing to help her find Prince Philip. She could actually feel the hope; believe for a second that everything was possible, even bringing a soul from the dead. That was Aurora's real power. despite all the dear things she had lost –her family, her kingdom, her palace, her true love and briefly her heart -, despite the misery of the decadent world around, despite of being a victim of brutality and violence, she could still believe and hope, two qualities Mulan herself had long forgotten. It required an immense strength of character to be able to hope and Mulan could not admire any less the princess for having it. So young, yet so experienced. So innocent, yet so brave. Beside her, Mulan could hope again; could hope that one day she would find the interest to live again; could hope that one day she would laugh again and be happy; that one day she would mend her broken heart and be ready to open it up, to feel with it and love again. All those past years, she was dead inside and Aurora, as by miracle, had breathed life inside her.

A shiver run along her spine and interrupted her thoughts. It should have been late. Aurora was lying asleep next to her, exhausted from the events of the past few days. Mulan laughed at herself how lately, every thought of hers was leading back to the princess. She had started thinking about Philip and yet, for once again, her thoughts had drifted away to Aurora. Mulan rose to her feet and walked up till the small fire that was meant to keep them warm during the cold hours of the night. She crossed her hands in her chest and fixed her gaze to the flames - swinging like seaweeds in the bottom of an ocean.

Her mind went back to the moment she was inserting Aurora's heart back to her chest. This was one of the most intimate moments between them and Mulan wasn't feeling ashamed about it. Under other circumstances, she would feel and terribly so for having shared such an intimate moment with somebody she barely knew and most of all for violating their personal space. But she had longed for a moment like this long ago. First, holding her heart inside her fingers was a sacred quest. Practically, she was holding Aurora's life in her hands and the princess showed no signs of fear or frustration. She was glad and she believed in her. When she asked if she had done this before and received a negative answer, she didn't worry either. This brave attitude only enforced Mulan's will to succeed in her mission. When Aurora looked at her, Mulan believed in herself and she found this inner strength to push the heart back to where it belonged. This was magic. What she had done was magic. For the brief seconds her hand was _inside _her, Mulan could feel everything Aurora was. It was a strange sensation and yet so addictive. She felt the heart beating again, the blood rushing through –a warmth around her fingers.

She pulled her hand quickly by fear she would kill the princess if she would leave it any longer. The princess opened her eyes and she was alive. She was breathing deeply and she looked at her with a mixture of emotions ranging from relief, to admiration, exhaustion, happiness and gratefulness. Mulan, herself was proud that she was the one to create all those feelings to Aurora's face. Such an intimacy between them and she was glad she was in the receiving end instead of Philip. The last thought annoyed her. She took her gaze away from the fire and let it wonder in the darkness of the forest in front of her. She couldn't understand what was happening to her. Her feelings were troubled. She couldn't long to touch a woman, this was abnormal and absurd! She shouldn't feel glad she had taken Philip's place. She shouldn't hope to have a more special place at Aurora's heart! She was betraying the only person that truly ever cared for her and believed in her and this was a breach of her code and the promise given to Philip. Suddenly, she felt rage. She was condemned to never be herself and never have the things she wanted. Her destiny was to always help the others get the things they desired but what about herself for once?

"_You deserve happiness and so much more…"_ Philip had once told her. Wasn't ironic enough that he was the one to come back and steal her happiness? She shook her head in despair because she was being ungrateful. If it wasn't for Philip, she would have never been standing here, in the middle of night thinking about a princess, _alive_. She would have been long gone, deprived from all the beauty this damned life had still to offer.

"You have to forgive me…" she murmured looking at the dark sky. She never thought Philip would hear her but she felt it was her duty to ask for his forgiveness. She wasn't asking for it because she was feeling sorry about her feelings and her thoughts. She was asking for it because she knew she would never be able to forget her, to keep her out of her heart, to not think about her, to stop _loving_ her.

Aurora opened her eyes and stared into the darkness as Mulan left her side to walk up to the fire. It was the second time she was being woken up as soon as Mulan's body was leaving her side, as if her body was linked to hers and needed to follow it around. It was cold and her body shivered. An unpleasant memory surfaced, which made her lift her hand and touch her chest. Underneath the soft skin she could feel her heart beating smoothly. She held her hand tightly to her chest afraid to let it go. She turned her body to look for Mulan. She saw her standing still in front of the fire, arms crossed in the chest. She was travelling with her for a long time now yet she didn't know anything about her life and her past. Mulan wasn't the most talkative person but even when she was talking it had to do either with her being protected or with helping out Emma and Snow. She never talked about herself, as if her past was the most precious secret she had to guard. She wished she could know how she met Philip. At least, she wished she could know why she ventured with him into her rescue, when she didn't even know who Aurora was. Or maybe she knew? This thought was torturing her head a few nights now. Mulan had decided to help Aurora find _their _prince because she knew him, they had fought together many battles and she had established a personal relationship with him either romantic or just friendly. There was a reason behind her agreement.

What Aurora couldn't understand was the reason that pushed Mulan to help Philip. Did she know from before who Aurora was? Did she have any personal reasons that even Philip ignored? Or, simply, Mulan was owing so much to him that assisting him to his quest was the least she could do? So many questions and her mind wasn't ready to process them yet. She was feeling tired but she knew the sleep wouldn't come now that her body was cold. A memory of a face warmed her up and she smiled silently in the dark. Philip. The possibility of seeing him again, _alive_, was filling her with hope and joy. Until recently she had him dead, a belief that was crushing her and that was threatening her own existence. Everything she loved dearly had been taken away from her as if sacrificing herself under the sleeping curse wasn't enough. Only Mulan was left, a woman she barely knew, but who reminded her of Philip and everything he meant to her. Philip, used to look into these dark eyes of hers while talking to her, confessing his thoughts and feelings –some of them Aurora may never know about - and sometimes when she was looking at Mulan she could see Philip smiling back at her, telling her to go on living and fighting because life never was easy and never would be. At first, Aurora was feeling guilty whenever she used to think about Philip while talking to Mulan. She was using her to keep her prince alive inside her heart. But lately, she noticed that whenever she was looking into Mulan's eyes she wasn't seeing Philip anymore but she was seeing the depth of the warrior's soul. Her eyes were the gates for her secret and tormented world that Aurora herself wished she could be part of but she knew she would never be.

The only time she felt she could reach into the end of this depth was when Mulan put her heart back. For these brief instants, when Mulan was inserting her heart, she felt Mulan _inside _her, body and soul, being one, united. She had never felt more alive and during that brief moment, she saw a glimpse of Mulan's own world and she saw a big one, an affectionate one and an aching one. But then, she pulled her hand and the connection broke. Aurora found herself struggling for air and her mind blanked for a second. That moment was the most intimate she ever had with Mulan and she wasn't regretting it. Philip and Mulan had so much in common but the main characteristic was their tendency to always protect her and fight for her. She didn't ask any of them to wake her up from her curse or bring her back her heart but still they would risk their own lives for her and they'd go in great lengths to protect her and keep her safe. That behaviour annoyed her a lot, to be fair. She wasn't a child anymore, yet she would find herself always in a position where she needed help. She felt lucky she had Mulan by her side. She admired her strength, her intelligence, her independence and her fierce loyalty because Mulan was everything she wished she could be one day. Actually, no. She didn't wish to fight with swords and bows but she wished to be a free woman, independent and able to make her own choices in life. Mulan represented exactly this freedom and she was giving her hope that this possibility existed in this corner of the world where the values were still in favour of men. She was born a princess but she didn't want to be one if that meant to be bound to a castle, to a husband and to her people.

Suddenly she felt suffocated and a terror paralysed her body. What if she was losing her freedom by getting back her prince? She looked with despair the dark sky above her. She was meant to be a princess, married to Philip, ruling her kingdom. That was her fate and she didn't know of any other until Mulan fell into her path. _Mulan_. She was the one who brought all these changes inside of her as if she was a fierce wind that turned everything upside down in her pass. Mulan was challenging every day her moral and ethical beliefs and values with her actions and Aurora found herself changing and becoming more like her. She was the one who opened up another reality for her, a better one, and she wished she could stay there forever. _Together with Mulan_. She waved her head to make her thoughts disappear. She was probably too tired to think straight. She _should _be happy that there was a way to bring Philip back. But that was exactly the problem. It shouldn't be an obligation to feel happy. Instead, it should be natural, coming straight from the heart. But it wasn't coming straight from there, not anymore. During the past few weeks she had changed radically. She had left her old self back in the destroyed palace, along with Philip's dead body, but even if she was going back there she wouldn't turn to the person she used to be. There was no going back for Aurora. Not anymore.


End file.
